A N D R E A

četvrtak, 17.05.2012.

PREVARA I OPROST

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Prijeći preko nečega i istinski oprostiti nije isto. Većina ljudi misli da su oprostili nevjeru ako prijeđu preko nevjere, gurnu je u zapećak, a da u dubini duše zauvijek ostane ožiljak i bol zbog prevare.

Preći preko nevjere znači reći "dobro, nećemo više o tome, što je bilo bilo je...", a u sebi i dalje patiti zbog toga, osjećati tugu, grč i bijes svaki puta kad se toga sjetimo. Time nismo učinili ništa, jer će nas nevjera pratiti cijeli život. Pri svakoj svađi, čak i ako smo svjesni da je to nepošteno, barem će nam oči govoriti da nismo zaboravili i to će biti naš krajnji argument kojim ćemo uvijek onoj drugoj strani začepiti usta. Na taj način ćemo našu gorčinu i njegovu/njenu krivicu zauvijek održavati na životu.

Za pravi oproštaj potrebno je puno više. Oprostiti znači pamtiti to kao događaj i lekciju u životu, ali samo kao činjenicu koja ne izaziva nikakve emocije. Da bi se to postiglo, potrebno je da oboje razumiju svoju ulogu u onome što se dogodilo, da razumiju razloge zašto je onaj tko je prevario uopće imao takvu potrebu. Ako se radi o patološkom prevarantu koji će opet i iznova varati, onda oprost ionako nema smisla. A ako se radi o tome da je prevaranta u prevaru nagnao odnos, oboje moraju razumijeti kako su oboje, i jedan i drugi, sudjelovali u stvaranju odnosa koji je doveo do prevare.

Kad par shvati što je dovelo do prevare, tek je na početku puta da oboje svoje ponašanje i odnos promijene na način da do prevare više ne dođe, tj. da su oboma zadovoljene potrebe, emotivne ili bilo koje druge, čije je nezadovoljavanje dovelo do prevare. Ako taj odnos ne mogu promijeniti, oprost opet nema smisla, jer će se prevara opet dogoditi.

Uspješna promjena odnosa velika je stvar. Ljudi koji to uspiju ima osjećaj da su zajedno napravili veliki posao i sama ta činjenica učvršćuje njihov odnos. Već samim tim prevara pada u drugi plan, ružni se osjećaji zaboravljaju, nema gorčine ni osjećaja krivice jer su oboje napravili napor i promijenili se.

Tek tada možemo reći da je prevara oproštena.

Kaže se da postoje dvije vrste prevare – ona fizička i ona emocionalna. Dok je prva donekle 'opipljiva', emocionalna, uprkos tome što nije bilo poljubaca i seksa, zna čak više da boli. Jer ona zadire puno dublje.

Teško je oprostiti bilo koju vrstu prevare. Osjećamo se izigrano, napušteno i ostavljeno sa strane. Dok smo još juče vjerovali toj osobi, danas se pitamo šta osjeća, razmišlja i radi kada nismo pored nje.

Sa prevarom povjerenje nestaje. I tako ga je teško vratiti.

Povjerenje i iskrenost u vezi su temelji bez kojih se ljubav ne može graditi. Tajne ne postoje jer jednostavno sve želimo da podijelimo sa partnerom kojeg volimo. Od toga šta smo sanjali, sa kim se zakačili na poslu, koga upoznali taj dan i kako se dobro zabavili sa prijateljima prošli petak.

Kada sagradite vezu u kojoj ste iskreni (ili se barem nadate da jeste) dođete do one tačke kad je sasvim normalno da znate zajedničke lozinke i pinove. Jer ako nekome vjerujete, onda ga ne provjeravate. Stvarno?

Očigledno imamo dva različita gledanja prevare. Iskreno, seks za jednu noć u pijanom stanju sa rupama u sjećanju, u upoređenju sa sedmicama svjesnog, nealkoholiziranog i eksplicitnog dopisivanja, možda je fizički strastveniji, ali emotivno nema toliko težinu.

Prevara nije jednostavan čin koji ima samo jedan oblik – seks. Prevara ide puno dalje od toga. Prevara je izigrano povjerenje, a ono se ne odnosi samo na spavaću sobu. Naravno, nevino flertovanje tokom izlaska svako povremeno doživi. Razlika je što to tamo i ostaje i ne okrećemo leđa svom partneru


prijevod

Get over something and truly forgive is not the same. Most people think that if you forgive infidelity infidelity cross over, slide it on ice, and that in the depths of the soul remains forever scar and pain due to fraud.

Get over infidelity is to say, "Well, we would no longer about what it was ... it was" in itself and continue to suffer because of it, to feel sadness, anger and cramp every time you remember. Thus we did not do anything because we will monitor the entire life of infidelity. In every argument, even if we are aware that this is unfair, at least in the eyes tell us that we are not forgotten and it will be our final argument is that we always that other side of the muzzle. In this way we our bitterness and his / her guilt forever be kept alive.

For true forgiveness takes a lot more. To forgive means to remember the event as a lesson in life, but only as a fact that does not cause any emotion. To achieve this, it is necessary to understand both their role in what happened, to understand the reasons why it is he who is deceived does have such a need. If it is a pathological con man who will cheat again and again, then forgiveness does not make sense anyway. And if it is a fact that the fraud in the fraud led the relationship, both must be understood that both the one and others involved in creating a relationship that led to fraud.

When the couple realized what led to the fraud, it was only the beginning of time to both their behavior and attitude change in the way that the fraud does not occur, ie that both met the needs, emotional or any other, whose non-compliance led to fraud . If this relationship can not change, forgiveness again makes no sense, because the fraud to happen again.

Successful relationships change a great thing. People who succeed have a feeling that together we can make a big deal and that very fact strengthened their relationship. Just by these frauds fall into the background, forget the ugly feelings, no bitterness or feelings of guilt because they both made an effort and change it.

Only then can we say that the fraud departed.

It is said that there are two types of scams - those physical and emotional one. While the first somewhat tangible, emotional, despite the fact that there was no kissing and sex, to know even more pain. Because it goes much deeper.

It is difficult to condone any type of fraud. We feel tricked, deserted and left sides. While we still believe that person yesterday, today, we wonder what he feels, thinks and works when we are next to it.

With the confidence trick goes away. And so it is difficult to restore.

Trust and honesty regarding the foundations without which love can not be built. Secrets do not exist simply because they all want to share with a partner whom we love. On what we thought, with whom he hooked up with at work, who met that day and so had a good time with friends last Friday.

When you build a relationship in which you are honest (or at least hope it is) you get to the point where it is quite normal that you know the common passwords and pins. Because if someone you trust, then it does not check. Really?

Apparently we have two different views scams. Honestly, sex one night in a drunken state with holes in my memory, when compared to the weeks of conscious, explicit nealkoholiziranog and correspondence, it may be physically agile, but not so much emotional weight.

Fraud is not a simple act that has only one form - sex. Fraud goes a lot further than that. Deception is played out and trust, and it's not just the bedroom. Of course, innocent flirting at times during the sunrise every experience. The difference is that it stays there and does not revert back to your partner.

evo vam malo glazbe da vam uljepša ostatak dana i večeri, zagrljaj i pusa svima.

srijeda, 16.05.2012.

PRAVA BLISKOST

Što bi bila prava bliskost? O njoj svi govore, a svi imamo osjećaj da rijetki do nje dolaze.

Tu "pravu bliskost" nazvat ću onako kako je nazivaju psiholozi - intimom. Intima je način komunikacije između dvoje ljudi u kojoj je konstantno prisutna spontanost, a obije osobe se osjećaju potpuno slobodne u ispoljavanju svih svojih osjećaja, misli i ponašanja.

Kad malo analiziramo ovo što je rečeno, postaje jasno zašto je intima tako rijedak vid komunikacije - ona nosi sa sobom rizik da ćemo možda čuti, vidjeti ili osjetiti nešto čega se bojimo. Jer osoba koja je s nama intimna u bilo kojem trenutku može, ako je to istina, reći i "više te ne volim".

Igre nas zaštićuju od pravog iskazivanja osjećaja, dok smo u njima ostajemo uvjereni da nas neke vanjske sile (društvo, roditelji, sudbina, partner...) tjeraju da se ponašamo na način da smo žrtve situacije i zbog te žrtve optužujemo druge, najčešće svog partnera za nezahvalnost i nerazumijevanje. Partnerov odgovor na tu optužbu najčešće je osjećaj krivice, zbog kojeg koči sebe u iskazivanju onoga što stvarno osjeća, kako ne bi pogoršao stvar i izazvao još vaći osjećaj krivice. To se s vremenom nakuplja i pretvara u protuoptužbu partnera te on postaje "progonitelj" "žrtve" iskazujući svoje nezadovoljstvo ili vrlo burnom reakcijom (svađa) ili ponašanjem koje povređuje "žrtvu"... i tako se ljudi hvataju u krug koji nema kraja. Jedina je svrha ovih igara da se izbjegne rizik koji sam već spomenuo. Pokretač igara je, u stvari, naš vlastiti strah od odbijanja i samoće.

Vrlo je teško pobjeći od igara i postići intimu. Da bismo to uspjeli, prvo se moramo razračunati s vlastitim strahom od intime, strahom da ćemo biti odbijeni i napušteni, a kojeg vrlo često prikrivamo i pred samima sobom. Za vlastite osjećaje trebamo prestati optuživati drugu stranu i shvatiti da smo za njih sami odgovorni. Trebamo razumijeti da smo rođeni slobodni i da smo slobodni birati svoje ponašanje te da je svako naše ponašanje i osjećaj naš izbor. Trebamo razumijeti i to da nas za našeg partnera vezuje samo ljubav, a ne okolnosti, brak, djeca ili osjećaj odgovornosti. Drugim riječima - ako ne volimo svog partnera slobodni smo u bilo kojem trenutku otići od njega, kao i on od nas.

Tek kad si damo potpunu slobodu da budemo spontani, moći ćemo ući u odnos s partnerom koji će značiti intimu. Duboka povezanost koja se tada osjeća s partnerom uz istovremeni osjećaj slobode nešto je nezamjenjivo - i upravo je ta sloboda, paradoksalno, jamac čvrstoće i povezanosti dvije osobe.

p.s.
Danas sam vam dala dovoljno materijala za čitanje, jer sutra zbog završnog ispita moga maturanta sigurno neću pisati ništa jer ću biti zaokupljena razmišljanjem odlaska na burzu rada i biti će još jedan broj nezaposlene statistike. Kao pomoćni soboslikar teško će naći posao jer ni jedan soboslikarski obrtnik ne želi ni praktikanta, a kamoli da zaposli neko dijete koje tek izašlo iz školskih klupa.


prijevod

What was the real intimacy? Everybody talks about it, and we all have a feeling that it rare to come.

This "real intimacy" I'll call as psychologists call it - intimacy. Intimacy is a way of communication between two people in which spontaneity is constantly present, and both people feel completely free in expressing all their feelings, thoughts and behaviors.

When I analyze what has been said, it becomes clear why it is so rare intimate form of communication - it carries the risk that we may hear, see or feel a little fear. For a person who is intimate with us at any time may, if it is true, and say "I do not love you more."

Games protecting us from the true expression of feelings, while we still remain confident that we some external force (society, parents, destiny, partner ...) forced to behave in a way that we are the victims of the situation and because of that victim blaming others, usually their partners for the ingratitude and misunderstanding. Partner's response to this accusation is often a feeling of guilt, for which hampers himself in saying what you really feel, so as not to aggravate the matter still stands as the cause feelings of guilt. This eventually builds up and becomes a partner in recriminations, and he becomes a "persecutor" "victim," expressing their dissatisfaction or very strong reactions (upset), or behavior that violates "the victim" ... and so people are trapped in a cycle that never ends. The only purpose of these games to avoid the risk that I mentioned. Game Launcher is, in fact, our own fear of rejection and loneliness.

It is very difficult to escape the game and achieve intimacy. In order to succeed, we must make away with their own fear of intimacy, fear that we will be rejected and abandoned, and which often conceal themselves in front. For our own feelings we need to stop accusing the other side and realize that we are responsible for them. We need to understand that we are born free and that we are free to choose their own behavior and that all our behavior and our sense of choice. We need to understand and to us for our partner binds only love, not circumstances, marriage, children, or a sense of responsibility. In other words - if you do not love your partner are free at any time to go from him, as he does from us.

Only when you give complete freedom to be spontaneous, we will be able to enter into a relationship with a partner that will mean intimacy. A deep bond that can then feel your partner with a simultaneous sense of freedom is something irreplaceable - and it is this freedom, paradoxically, is a guarantee of strength and connection two people.

postscript
Today I have given you enough material to read, because tomorrow the final exam of my graduate certainly will not write anything because I will be busy thinking of going to the stock exchange and will be one more of the unemployed statistics. As a painter extra hard to find a job because no one wants Painter tradesman or practitioner, let alone to employ a child who just came out of school desks.

PAMETNA ŽENA

Često se čuje kako muškarci ne vole pametne žene. Sve češće. Polako se to pretvara u mantru koja se stalno ponavlja... a već je u tridesetim godinama prošlog stoljeća jedan zao čovjek zaključio da će sve što dovoljno puta ponovi za javnost postati istina.

Naravno, kad ozbiljno razgovaramo, svaka će (zaista) pametna žena priznati da se radi o besmislenoj generalizaciji. Glupa žena odgovara samo glupom muškarcu koji želi nad svojom ženom trenirati moć, a nad pametnom ženom to ne može. Jednako vrijedi i obrnuto - glupoj ženi odgovara glup muškarac. Onda se može hvaliti kako svog mužića vrti oko malog prsta, kako je ona vrat koji okreće njegovu glavu u željenom smjeru...

Postoji jedan poseban tip žena, ne baš pametnih, ali zato izrazito napornih. One sjednu muškarcu za vrat i ubiju ga svojim napornim karakterom. Kad se čovjek nakon uzaludnih pokušaja ostvarenja normalne veze počne iz iste izvlačiti... Ne jako pametna, ali naporna žena zaključuje da se on izvlači zbog njezine inteligencije i dominacije, ne videći da u njenom ponašanju nema ništa inteligentno, već da je običan davitelj koji ne da čovjeku disati.


prijevod

It is often said that men do not like smart women. More and more often. Slowly it turns into a mantra that is constantly repeated ... and is already in the thirties of last century, an evil man concluded that all the repeated often enough become truth to the public.

Of course, when we talk seriously, each will (really) smart woman to admit that this is a ridiculous generalization. Stupid women fits just stupid man who wants his wife to train over power, over a smart woman can not. Same goes the other way around - stupid stupid man woman suits. Then you can brag to your hubby revolves around the little finger, as it turns its neck to the head in the right direction ...

There is a special type of woman, not very smart, but so very hard. One man sat down by the neck and killed him with their hard character. When a man after a futile attempt to achieve a normal relationship starts from the same draw ... Not very smart, but intense woman says that he pulls out because of her intelligence and domination, not seeing that in her behavior does not have anything intelligent, but it is plain that the Strangler man who does not breathe.

ZALJUBLJENOST

Zaljubljenost je stanje neuravnoteženosti hormona – mozak zaljubljene osobe podsjeća na mozak duševnoga bolesnika. Kod zaljubljenosti se u mozak otpuštaju testosteron, estrogen, dopamin, norepinefrin, serotonin i oksitocin. Oni su zaslužni za tako neopisive osjećaje ugode kao i za ostale simptome zaljubljenosti: gubitak teka, nesanica, itd. To stanje kemijske neravnoteže se zove zaljubljenost, a traje od jedne i pol do tri godine.
Zaljubljenost je prvi osjećaj iz spektra ljubavi koji se javlja kod djeteta. Ljudi izabiru partnere koji nas podsjećaju na važne ljude iz djetinjstva, obično na jednog od roditelja naravno. Obično je to onaj roditelj sa kojime imamo najneraščišćenije odnose. U partnerskom odnosu nesvjesno pokušavamo razriješiti tu traumu, a može se dogoditi da je samo ponavljamo. Kada želite partneru spočitati: " Ponašaš se kao moja mama", radije se zamislite i razmislite što od tog odnosa niste razriješili.

To je naravno teško i mnogi će taj odnos radije napustiti nego ga rješavati, ili će pobjeći u nevjeru.

Zaljubljenost je osjećaj koji nas čini ovisnima o drugoj osobi. No, kao i u svakoj ovisnosti, najbitnije nam je da tu ovisnost zadovoljimo. Bitno nam je da smo s onim u koga smo zaljubljeni. Ako njemu nije do toga, to nas boli. Ako ipak izađe s nama, sretni smo. Ali cijelo vrijeme smo mi važni, a ne on(a) i njegove/njezine potrebe.

Kad smo zaljubljeni, imamo osjećaj da bismo i život dali za tu osobu. Međutim, mnogi koji to iskreno misle kažu da bi ubili tu istu osobu da ih prevari. Gdje je tu logika? Jest, logično je... ako prihvatimo da smo u toj "nesebičnoj" zaljubljenosti, u stvari, vrlo sebični.

Zbog intenziteta osjećaja da ne možemo bez dotičnog (dotične), mnogi zaljubljenost miješaju s ljubavlju. Međutim, u ljubavi ne postoje takvi dramatični osjećaji. Postoji samo osjećaj radosti, proizašao iz davanja. Za razliku od toga, u zaljubljenosti se često nečega odričemo, od svog slobodnog vremena do dostojanstva, pa često osjećaj radosti, kako je Raos lijepo primijetio, izostaje.

Zato svima onima koji ne vjeruju u ljubav poruka: Ne vjerujete u ljubav jer je još niste našli. Udarili ste u zid boli nastale uslijed vašeg vlastitog odricanja. Mnogi stanu na pola puta, umorni od boli zaljubljenosti i nikada ne nađu ljubav.

Budite uporni. Tražite dalje. Isplati se.


prijevod

Infatuation is the state of hormonal imbalance - the person reminds the brain in love on the brain of mental patients. With love in the brain releases testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin and oxytocin. They are responsible for such an indescribable feeling of pleasure and love for other symptoms: loss of appetite, insomnia, etc. This state of chemical imbalance called love, and runs 1:30 to 3:00 years.
Infatuation is the first feeling of love from the spectrum that occurs in a child. People choose partners who remind us of important people from his childhood, usually at one of the parents of course. Usually it is the parent with whom we have relationships najneraščišćenije. In partnership unconsciously trying to resolve the trauma, and it can happen to just repeat. When you partner spočitati: "You act like my mom", preferred to imagine and think of what the relationships are not resolved.

It is of course difficult and many would prefer to leave this relationship than it solved, or will run away in unbelief.

Infatuation is a feeling which makes us dependent on another person. However, as with any addiction, the most important for us to satisfy this dependency. The important thing to us is that we have with those in whom we love. If it is not up to it, it hurts us. If you do go out with us, we are happy. But the whole time we were important, and not on (a) and his / her needs.

When we love, we feel that we have given life to that person. However, many people who honestly think they say to kill the same person to be deceived. Where is the logic? Yes, it is logical ... If we accept that we are in the "selfless" in love, in fact, very selfish.

Due to the intensity of feeling that we can not without the respective (said), many people confuse infatuation with love. However, in love there are no such dramatic feelings. There is only a feeling of joy came from giving. In contrast, the infatuation is often giving up something of his free time to dignity, and often a feeling of joy, as well Raos noted, is absent.

So for those who do not believe in love Message: Do not believe in love because you have not yet found. You hit the wall of pain caused by your own sacrifice. Many apartment half way, tired of the pain of falling in love and never find love.

Be persistent. Look no further. Worth it.

utorak, 15.05.2012.

Voljela bih pjevati ali nemam sluha kada pjevam sama,
voljela bih otići u prirodu, ali ne sama,
voljela bih se smijati, ali ne mogu se smijati sama.

Potpuno sam bezvoljna, nigdje i u ničem ne nalazim mir osim ovdje, ali nervira me ono što iskače sa strane kada otvorim blog (svoj ili od meni dragog blogera) zar ne postoji neko drugo mjesto gdje te reklame mogu neprestano skakati kao skakavac. Hoće li netko imati sluha da napravi ono što su nas jednom pitali.
Blog stranica i blogeri su mi jedina svijetla točka i sretna sam kada ga pišem (iako znam da pišem bez smisla), kada čitam blogere koji lijepo i pametno pišu.
U blogu sam našla utočište i sreću, jedino pored njega nalazim svoj unutarnji mir.


prijevod

I would love to sing but I do not have hearing loss when I sing alone,
I would like to go into nature, but not alone
I would laugh, but I can laugh at herself.

I am completely apathetic, anywhere and nothing does not find peace except here, but what irritates me by popping when I open the blog (your own or of my dear bloggers) is not there another place where these advertisements may continually jump like a grasshopper. Will someone be sensitive to what makes us a question.
Blog sites and bloggers were the only bright spot to me and I'm happy when I write it (though I know that I write without sense), when I read bloggers who write beautifully and cleverly.
The blog I found refuge and happiness, only next to him I find your inner peace.

ponedjeljak, 14.05.2012.

Danas se osjećam poput trule jabuke koja treba uskoro pasti sa stabla. Ljuta sam sama na sebe, da mogu biti zmija ujela bih se da se otrujem.
Nedostaje mi sunca i topline, nedostaje mi razgovor sa nekim normalnim, a ne sa mojim odrazom u ogledalu.
Nisam zadovoljna sama sa sobom, ni s onim što me okružuje. Ne raduju me ni moji kaktusi koji jedini uspijevaju u mom stanu.
Otišla bih negdje, bilo gdje samo da se nekoliko dana maknem od svoje svakodnevice jer sam teška sama sebi.
Ni maštanje me nikako ne može raspoložiti, sve mi smeta osim bloga jer on je moj ljubavnik koji me svakim danom sve više privlači.


prijevod

Today I feel like a rotten apple that should soon fall from the tree. I am very angry at yourself, you may be bitten by a snake would be poison.
I miss the sun and heat, I miss talking with some normal, and not with my reflection in the mirror.
I am not satisfied with itself, nor with what surrounds me. Not looking forward to me or my cacti that grow only in my apartment.
I would go somewhere, anywhere, just a few days to get away from their everyday life because I'm heavy myself.
Neither imagination I can not seem to the mood, everything bothers me except the blog because he is my lover to me every day more and more attractive.